Create with what you have
Obstacles - what’s been getting in the way?
This is not so much an obstacle but an observation this week. I noticed how after putting out a video or birthing a piece of work into the world, I feel depleted. I would love to say that I start working on the next project straight away but I just can’t, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s completely natural to want to rest after a period of exertion and having a deadline to commit to can definitely take it out of you. I think this is where my decision to change my publishing schedule to every two weeks continues to be a kindness to myself.
Solutions - what’s been helpful?
I re-read some of the notes/highlights I captured when reading The Artist’s Way last year. There were two helpful reminders:
1. Fill the well
You can’t draw on a resource that’s not replenished so make sure you are nourishing yourself as an artist and a person and not getting caught in all work, work, work! Over this past week, I’ve been to the cinema once and seen two pieces of live theatre. Both of these were nourishing experiences for my inner artist.
2. Working with the inner critic
We are victims of our own internalized perfectionist, a nasty internal and eternal critic, the Censor, who resides in our (left) brain and keeps up a constant stream of subversive remarks that are often disguised as the truth. The Censor says wonderful things like: “You call that writing? What a joke. You can’t even punctuate. If you haven’t done it by now you never will. You can’t even spell. What makes you think you can be creative?” And on and on. Make this a rule: always remember that your Censor's negative opinions are not the truth. This takes practice.
Make no mistake: the Censor is out to get you. It’s a cunning foe. Every time you get smarter, so does it. So you wrote one good play? The Censor tells you that’s all there is. So you drew your first sketch? The Censor says, “It’s not Picasso.”
Output - what have I created?
I’ve started editing my next video which looks to be a very ambitious project of a trip I took in the summer. I filmed content with little plan or idea of what I wanted and I was beginning to already doubt myself in the process. “It’s not good enough, I’ve done better, I could be more confident on camera, it doesn’t make sense, no one will watch it, no one will like it, what’s the point?”
However, I noticed I was trying to create the project all in one go, instead of building it piece by piece. For anyone who’s done a jigsaw before you know it can be a long time before anything you put together resembles a finished project.
It also reminded me to create with what I have, with who I am, with the skills I have, in the place I am.
After watching the latest episode of Drag Race UK this week, the queens were tasked to make dresses out of camping equipment and I was reminded how in life we don’t always get handed the best material to work with, nor do we have all the skills we need in the moment. But you never know what you might produce as a result of trying. It might not be our best work, but it will always be our work and we will learn as a result of it. So I’m going to take this attitude into my next project and see what I can fashion out the video footage I have.
Reflection - a question for you
Do you find yourself judging your work before you’ve finished, or before you’ve even started? What does that voice sound like? Did it come from an external voice in your life that you’ve now internalised, or did it come from a lack of validation and encouragement? Both are equally as damaging.
How could you be more gentle with yourself working through the vulnerable process that is creating something that has never yet existed?